A thought hit me the other day whilst on the humid and sticky Picadilly line...
Everyone wants to be something, there are millions of people wanting/competing to be the top of their game. Or even to be in their dream careers!
So when I am sat there thinking about how hard it is to be an actress or a singer or a musician. I now think, everyone else thinks that too.
When you are sat at an audition or an interview you think 'everyone is better than me' they must have more experience/more talent, but what if they don't? What if in fact you are superior in that respect?
Self doubt is something EVERYONE of us has. It's the first thing we think, could we have done more? are we prepared enough? we will succeed?
Most of the time you know if you're prepared, deep down honesty lies there, you either made enough of an effort or you didn't.
You have to live in the moment. However hard it is not to look into the future and determine your own fate, you have to resist.
Also looking into the past and saying 'what if?' that is all irrelevant now. The past has gone it has been left behind for you to live in the present and nothing else.
Threat is a big topic on auditions/interviews. As I was saying we judge ourselves and others around us in these tense situations.
In my line of work what comes into mind is 'she has better looks' or 'he's in good shape' or most of all I bet they can dance/sing/act/unicycle/speak 10 different languages....
But in fact, all you need to know is your strengths.
My mum showed me a clip from that program 'Superstar' yesterday including a guy called Nathan who was an amazing singer. But the fact is he knew he was. He used that confidence to perform well and sing well all the time. He never made a mistake and was flawless.
But Andrew Lloyd Webber hated him. He hated that he was a diva. But his talent was undeniable...
What is that fine line between cockiness and being humble about your talent?
And when does confidence turn into cockiness? You are slated for being too shy, too confident, too talented, not talented enough..
There is no such thing as perfection which I think today's society needs to fully understand.
Don't let people's opinions get to you, because in the end they are not fact they are SOMEONE'S thoughts.
I may not like some celebrities or pop stars but I respect where they are and what they do because the industry is tough and they do well not to let it get to them.
A good example of this is Lady Gaga, she is admired by millions and called crazy by millions more, but she doesn't let it effect her. She knows it happens, she is probably hurt by people's comments. But she remains to be herself. And for that I admire her.
The moral of this blog is basically just get on with YOUR life, don't let people ruin it for you. Don't let silly doubts get in the way of living your dream. Because the fact is, everyone could be where they want to be.
All you need is self confidence and determination!
Sunday, 12 August 2012
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Confidence, What is too much?
Confidence has always played a vital role in my life, whether it has appeared when needed or in fact not appeared at all.
In any career, especially performance based confidence is a key factor.
You need it to give you the adrenaline to perform in front of millions of people or a few people who can change your career forever.
Over the years whilst performing both acting and singing I have met a lot of people who have similar goals in life to me. And they all seem to differ from me in one way.
They have mounds of confidence, in themselves and what they do. Which is a great thing to have!
But the question is, when does confidence become over-confident?
and when does cockiness and arrogance start worming there way in...
From my experience and from my perspective I find most (not all) people who are in my profession to be intolerable. Their confidence spreads into their everyday life which causes an over dramatic side to follow with great speed. And sitting there talking to someone about themselves all day doesn't strike me as a day I would enjoy.
My view on drama/acting/singing is this:
I act when I need too, I sing when I need too and I don't let it take over me.
I am believe it or not quite a level headed person who also enjoys using the right side of my brain as well as my left side. I like that I can do this, but it also means I don't quite "fit in" anywhere...
I love drama, music and writing, but I also like the logic of a good political debate or working with computers.
Most people in the performance profession are creative and not much goes on with logic, I would say emotion takes over like in a performance.
You may think I am being quite biased but I have a mother who is an opera singer and I have performed since the age of 8, so you would think I would be all for over-confident!
But living with a dramatic mother all of your life puts a dampener on the excitement it is supposed to bring.
I also think there are a lot of factors with confidence, but here are just a few;
-Good looks
-Good figure
-Actual talent
-Multiple talent (can sing/act/dance/play an instrument)
-Being supported from a young age
-And most important LUCK!
You can be the most talented person in the world, but unless you are at the right place at the right time you won't get anywhere...
I've been taught this from a young age and I believe it to be the truth!
When I get all of the above ^ I will let you know how the confidence thing is going....
Who knows I might become the thing I most hate!
Ciao!
In any career, especially performance based confidence is a key factor.
You need it to give you the adrenaline to perform in front of millions of people or a few people who can change your career forever.
Over the years whilst performing both acting and singing I have met a lot of people who have similar goals in life to me. And they all seem to differ from me in one way.
They have mounds of confidence, in themselves and what they do. Which is a great thing to have!
But the question is, when does confidence become over-confident?
and when does cockiness and arrogance start worming there way in...
From my experience and from my perspective I find most (not all) people who are in my profession to be intolerable. Their confidence spreads into their everyday life which causes an over dramatic side to follow with great speed. And sitting there talking to someone about themselves all day doesn't strike me as a day I would enjoy.
My view on drama/acting/singing is this:
I act when I need too, I sing when I need too and I don't let it take over me.
I am believe it or not quite a level headed person who also enjoys using the right side of my brain as well as my left side. I like that I can do this, but it also means I don't quite "fit in" anywhere...
I love drama, music and writing, but I also like the logic of a good political debate or working with computers.
Most people in the performance profession are creative and not much goes on with logic, I would say emotion takes over like in a performance.
You may think I am being quite biased but I have a mother who is an opera singer and I have performed since the age of 8, so you would think I would be all for over-confident!
But living with a dramatic mother all of your life puts a dampener on the excitement it is supposed to bring.
I also think there are a lot of factors with confidence, but here are just a few;
-Good looks
-Good figure
-Actual talent
-Multiple talent (can sing/act/dance/play an instrument)
-Being supported from a young age
-And most important LUCK!
You can be the most talented person in the world, but unless you are at the right place at the right time you won't get anywhere...
I've been taught this from a young age and I believe it to be the truth!
When I get all of the above ^ I will let you know how the confidence thing is going....
Who knows I might become the thing I most hate!
Ciao!
I would love to hear people's opinions on the subject and there experiences, and like I said I love a good debate !
Thursday, 12 July 2012
Karma?
Does anyone believe in Karma anymore? Is it just a worldly phenomenon that we get our just deserts or is it just coincidence that what goes around comes around?
The fact is that is what I've been asking myself today.
I am a very opinionated person and sometimes that conflicts with others especially those who lack outside views on the world. I can also just be hated by people for being myself.
I suppose this is bound to happen in my lifetime. Some people were born to make friends and keep them. I on the other-hand have a couple of friends I keep in touch with but I would not say I have those people that have stuck around.
Which is quite a sad thing to admit to yourself...
I have realised that I am who I am, even if that's someone who is still learning/growing which is what everyone is doing.
I don't like being hated or disliked for no reason, because the fact being is that is in fact a childish thing to do.
I've learnt over my lifetime not to do, although it is hard not to judge people I try and accept everyone that is nice to me. If not then that is a reason to dislike. But hatred is such a strong word. I must say I don't think I hate anyone even if I use the word.
Well, today I have decided to be the bigger person and this is my pact:
I am going to apologise to everyone who I have done a wrong too. Even if they perhaps have been as horrible if not more horrible to me. I am going to make a mends with people. If those people let me.
If not I will still be the bigger/more mature person and in the end that is something to be proud of.
But in the end I know my destiny in life might not be to make friends.
It might lead to a life of acquaintances but that is something I will have to accept.
In the end, how sad it is to admit.
I like being alone. I've grown accustom to it.
But having that one person by your side who is your boyfriend/best friend helps.
Anyway, moral of the blog...
I'm going to apologise/make amends/be the mature person.
Wish me luck.
The fact is that is what I've been asking myself today.
I am a very opinionated person and sometimes that conflicts with others especially those who lack outside views on the world. I can also just be hated by people for being myself.
I suppose this is bound to happen in my lifetime. Some people were born to make friends and keep them. I on the other-hand have a couple of friends I keep in touch with but I would not say I have those people that have stuck around.
Which is quite a sad thing to admit to yourself...
I have realised that I am who I am, even if that's someone who is still learning/growing which is what everyone is doing.
I don't like being hated or disliked for no reason, because the fact being is that is in fact a childish thing to do.
I've learnt over my lifetime not to do, although it is hard not to judge people I try and accept everyone that is nice to me. If not then that is a reason to dislike. But hatred is such a strong word. I must say I don't think I hate anyone even if I use the word.
Well, today I have decided to be the bigger person and this is my pact:
I am going to apologise to everyone who I have done a wrong too. Even if they perhaps have been as horrible if not more horrible to me. I am going to make a mends with people. If those people let me.
If not I will still be the bigger/more mature person and in the end that is something to be proud of.
But in the end I know my destiny in life might not be to make friends.
It might lead to a life of acquaintances but that is something I will have to accept.
In the end, how sad it is to admit.
I like being alone. I've grown accustom to it.
But having that one person by your side who is your boyfriend/best friend helps.
Anyway, moral of the blog...
I'm going to apologise/make amends/be the mature person.
Wish me luck.
 |
| HA |
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
Motivation
It has just dawned on me that my long term goals have been pushed aside these last few months. And to be honest I can't afford to be doing that. If I want to get into drama school, which I do! Then I need to get practising and learning my monologues, I need to be perfection... I need to be more than perfection.
Impossible? most probably.
But having this full-time job and a part-time job is tiring me out. Draining me.
And the saddest thing is I have absolutely no money to show for it... ridiculous
Also as I'm going to university this year that is on my mind. I'm scared I am going to waste a year there, on the other hand I don't want to be working a full-time job all year whilst trying to do some training which I won't have the time for/be able to afford. A vicious circle. Frustrating to say the least!
My motivation (sticking to the title) has gone out of the window. Each year I have changed my career path and this has led me to not fully knowing what I want.
I'm not the worst academic and I am quite creative at the same time, and so this leaves me in a mess.
Obviously I prefer the creative side to me, but this requires dedication and commitment which I am lacking. Most people have one side of their brain active and the other one barely gets used. I am within the minute population who uses both sides equally. I think logically, but when I need to I go to the other side where I act and write and sing.
At the moment I'm trying to make myself feel better by saying that I am doing things little by little to encourage myself into full blown commitment.
I have started the gym, which will hopefully get me fit/toned/slim and give me more confidence to know I have a chance in the acting world.
I try and blog as often as possible, but now a days that isn't that much.
I have been waking up earlier even on my days off which gives me a more positive feeling in the mornings.
I think most of all, having nothing to look forward too is killing me.
I don't have any money to plan a trip/book an acting course/book a holiday or even treat myself to some new jeans (which I am in need of).
All in all, my balance is off set to negative rather than positive at the moment, and I am trying my best to get and stay positive.
If you have any tips on staying positive and motivated. PLEASE, let me know! haha
Rant over.
Impossible? most probably.
But having this full-time job and a part-time job is tiring me out. Draining me.
And the saddest thing is I have absolutely no money to show for it... ridiculous
Also as I'm going to university this year that is on my mind. I'm scared I am going to waste a year there, on the other hand I don't want to be working a full-time job all year whilst trying to do some training which I won't have the time for/be able to afford. A vicious circle. Frustrating to say the least!
My motivation (sticking to the title) has gone out of the window. Each year I have changed my career path and this has led me to not fully knowing what I want.
I'm not the worst academic and I am quite creative at the same time, and so this leaves me in a mess.
Obviously I prefer the creative side to me, but this requires dedication and commitment which I am lacking. Most people have one side of their brain active and the other one barely gets used. I am within the minute population who uses both sides equally. I think logically, but when I need to I go to the other side where I act and write and sing.
At the moment I'm trying to make myself feel better by saying that I am doing things little by little to encourage myself into full blown commitment.
I have started the gym, which will hopefully get me fit/toned/slim and give me more confidence to know I have a chance in the acting world.
I try and blog as often as possible, but now a days that isn't that much.
I have been waking up earlier even on my days off which gives me a more positive feeling in the mornings.
I think most of all, having nothing to look forward too is killing me.
I don't have any money to plan a trip/book an acting course/book a holiday or even treat myself to some new jeans (which I am in need of).
All in all, my balance is off set to negative rather than positive at the moment, and I am trying my best to get and stay positive.
If you have any tips on staying positive and motivated. PLEASE, let me know! haha
Rant over.
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Actually been busy!
The fact is for once I have actually been busy...
Shocking I know!
I have started training for my new job at (anon) a big place in which I can't mention the name of.
So far its been very draining and most of the time boring.
Waking up early to get dressed, walk to the tube, travel on the tube and walking time at the end of the journey means my hour of awakening has been ungodly and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I have been going to bed especially early but this hasn't really helped my case.
So drained all the time.
On top of that I still have the night job of a weekend so that means my weekend nights are taken up, I thought I would be able to quit this job following my recent day employment but the fact is I don't get paid until the 31st of July from my main job, which is ridiculous. Also I am not working during most of July which means I would have had 0 income if not for a second job. Just my luck.
So at the moment I'm living off a pathetic amount which most of is going on travel into the city centre almost everyday.
So I am broke.
Money is the route of all depression. Well mine anyway.
I would say on a lighter note....but there is nothing.
Oh wait, maybe..
I have made a few friends whilst training, which I am glad of, means I'm not a complete social reject anymore. We will see if it lasts, but I hope so.
This year is going way to fast for my liking, I am thinking about starting university already and its only the end of June. It's complicated but basically my summer job runs over into when my university starting date is so I need to prove to them I have been accepted and the date of acceptance. Pain in the bum.
Hopefully new friends will be made at uni. too, fingers crossed.
Also the next auditions for drama schools will be coming up end of this year which I need to be prepared for. I have started looking at monologues, I think I'm going for a comedic approach to my chosen monologue this year, I think it suits me better...ha. I have been reading a book of monologues and duologue's by Victoria Wood which has a couple of gems in!
This money business is just the bain of my life at the moment, I need a new bag as I have 2 in my possession and neither one is practical, ridiculous.
I still have a positive outlook that this is just my low time and that it will pick up in no time...
One day I will have enough money to be comfortable if not above that.
Joined the gym = get an actresses body (the dream)
Hopefully I will blog sooner this time but who knows! and may even be more interesting...
P.s If anyone would like to give me money they are more than welcome!!
Goodnight and Goodbye!
Shocking I know!
I have started training for my new job at (anon) a big place in which I can't mention the name of.
So far its been very draining and most of the time boring.
Waking up early to get dressed, walk to the tube, travel on the tube and walking time at the end of the journey means my hour of awakening has been ungodly and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I have been going to bed especially early but this hasn't really helped my case.
So drained all the time.
On top of that I still have the night job of a weekend so that means my weekend nights are taken up, I thought I would be able to quit this job following my recent day employment but the fact is I don't get paid until the 31st of July from my main job, which is ridiculous. Also I am not working during most of July which means I would have had 0 income if not for a second job. Just my luck.
So at the moment I'm living off a pathetic amount which most of is going on travel into the city centre almost everyday.
So I am broke.
Money is the route of all depression. Well mine anyway.
I would say on a lighter note....but there is nothing.
Oh wait, maybe..
I have made a few friends whilst training, which I am glad of, means I'm not a complete social reject anymore. We will see if it lasts, but I hope so.
This year is going way to fast for my liking, I am thinking about starting university already and its only the end of June. It's complicated but basically my summer job runs over into when my university starting date is so I need to prove to them I have been accepted and the date of acceptance. Pain in the bum.
Hopefully new friends will be made at uni. too, fingers crossed.
Also the next auditions for drama schools will be coming up end of this year which I need to be prepared for. I have started looking at monologues, I think I'm going for a comedic approach to my chosen monologue this year, I think it suits me better...ha. I have been reading a book of monologues and duologue's by Victoria Wood which has a couple of gems in!
This money business is just the bain of my life at the moment, I need a new bag as I have 2 in my possession and neither one is practical, ridiculous.
I still have a positive outlook that this is just my low time and that it will pick up in no time...
One day I will have enough money to be comfortable if not above that.
Joined the gym = get an actresses body (the dream)
Hopefully I will blog sooner this time but who knows! and may even be more interesting...
P.s If anyone would like to give me money they are more than welcome!!
Goodnight and Goodbye!
Monday, 28 May 2012
It has been a while..take 2
As you can see I haven't blogged in some time...
But it means more to write about ? we will see ha.
Where to start...
Well I think the last time I blogged was just before I went back to my home town for a week..
It started with a long coach trip to Preston which took about 6 hours, which wasn't too bad actually seeing as though I get travel sick. Got picked up from Preston by my boyfriends brother.
That night we went for a few drinks with a couple of my boyfriends friends (the ones that aren't total dicks) and had a nice night. Next night involved another night out which started out feeble and ended up being a really good night thanks to some great people! The only thing that let it down was my lack of money at the time. But we managed, just.
The rest of the week consisted of a trip to Coniston/lots of bad food/Birthday dinners/Visit to my Grandad/Multiple gaming nights/A drive to the coast road and not much else. But overall not as bad as I thought the trip was going to be.
You'd think I would go into more detail, but no...*series of montages*
We drove back to London the following Friday and I was really glad to be going back! My home town has nothing to offer me any more, my Grandad is the only reason I would visit at all. It's so sad but unfortunately its true. When you move to somewhere that has everything including your family and boyfriend what more is needed? Apart from good friends which I lack. But hopefully that will all change when I venture into university world.
As soon as we got back the weather seemed to perk up which cheered me up profusely!
We chilled for the next two days as I work at night until 4am so energy lacks during the days. However one of my boyfriends friends was down in London so we woke up early on the Sunday and went into Camden market.
It was a really nice relaxed day. Had a browse around the market and then grabbed some
BANG BANG CHICKEN
from a little place on the corner... they sold that bang bang chicken. Sold it well.
If you've ever been to Camden I'm sure you know what I am on about ha!
Anyway said our goodbyes and were on our way.
Then as the nice weather has progressed I think I've been out everyday!
Just to local places really like; Muswell Hill/Wood Green/Alexander palace
We have been a bit out of the way, the other day we went to Kensington Gardens which was really nice! Never been there before, but it had everything, Fountains/Grass/Trees/Play-park/Cafe. It was a beautiful day out and we took my sister too and I think she had a great time too!
Here's some pics from the day;
Today however we went to see Men In Black 3!
Really good film, I actually wasn't expecting much, but it was really cleverly done and apparently hurt my boyfriends head because of all the time travelling haha!
On a more personal note I dyed my hair back to a normal colour and it is now dark brown again, hooray.
I don't like my hair blonde I have finally decided.
Getting my shit together, exercise is back and bad food is out, felt so stodgy after that week at my home town. So jogging is back and it feels good!
Getting my tan on, but my skin doesn't seem to like to tan. We will see.
Got a training day for Buckingham Palace which is on the 12th of June, lots of paperwork was sent off for that again...
And my Grade 5 theory is coming up and I need to crack on and practice.
Special mention to this guy;
For making us welcome and wanting to spend his precious time with me and my boyfriend in my home town ;)
Well I want to be writing more again so lets see how long it takes for me to write again!
But it means more to write about ? we will see ha.
Where to start...
Well I think the last time I blogged was just before I went back to my home town for a week..
It started with a long coach trip to Preston which took about 6 hours, which wasn't too bad actually seeing as though I get travel sick. Got picked up from Preston by my boyfriends brother.
That night we went for a few drinks with a couple of my boyfriends friends (the ones that aren't total dicks) and had a nice night. Next night involved another night out which started out feeble and ended up being a really good night thanks to some great people! The only thing that let it down was my lack of money at the time. But we managed, just.
 |
| My drunk boyfriend and Ross! |
The rest of the week consisted of a trip to Coniston/lots of bad food/Birthday dinners/Visit to my Grandad/Multiple gaming nights/A drive to the coast road and not much else. But overall not as bad as I thought the trip was going to be.
You'd think I would go into more detail, but no...*series of montages*
We drove back to London the following Friday and I was really glad to be going back! My home town has nothing to offer me any more, my Grandad is the only reason I would visit at all. It's so sad but unfortunately its true. When you move to somewhere that has everything including your family and boyfriend what more is needed? Apart from good friends which I lack. But hopefully that will all change when I venture into university world.
As soon as we got back the weather seemed to perk up which cheered me up profusely!
We chilled for the next two days as I work at night until 4am so energy lacks during the days. However one of my boyfriends friends was down in London so we woke up early on the Sunday and went into Camden market.
It was a really nice relaxed day. Had a browse around the market and then grabbed some
BANG BANG CHICKEN
from a little place on the corner... they sold that bang bang chicken. Sold it well.
If you've ever been to Camden I'm sure you know what I am on about ha!
Anyway said our goodbyes and were on our way.
Then as the nice weather has progressed I think I've been out everyday!
Just to local places really like; Muswell Hill/Wood Green/Alexander palace
We have been a bit out of the way, the other day we went to Kensington Gardens which was really nice! Never been there before, but it had everything, Fountains/Grass/Trees/Play-park/Cafe. It was a beautiful day out and we took my sister too and I think she had a great time too!
Here's some pics from the day;
 |
| The fountains+My sister |
 |
| Boyfriend+Sister! |
 |
| Me on a giant ship! |
Today however we went to see Men In Black 3!
Really good film, I actually wasn't expecting much, but it was really cleverly done and apparently hurt my boyfriends head because of all the time travelling haha!
On a more personal note I dyed my hair back to a normal colour and it is now dark brown again, hooray.
I don't like my hair blonde I have finally decided.
Getting my shit together, exercise is back and bad food is out, felt so stodgy after that week at my home town. So jogging is back and it feels good!
Getting my tan on, but my skin doesn't seem to like to tan. We will see.
Got a training day for Buckingham Palace which is on the 12th of June, lots of paperwork was sent off for that again...
And my Grade 5 theory is coming up and I need to crack on and practice.
Special mention to this guy;
 |
| Nice one Steeley |
For making us welcome and wanting to spend his precious time with me and my boyfriend in my home town ;)
FANKS DOOD
Well I want to be writing more again so lets see how long it takes for me to write again!
CIAO BAMBINOS!
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
A busy life
Is what I'm wishing for right now...
I will probably regret this knowing me.
Having a slow life, not doing anything everyday, I don't know how people cope with it. I know I don't do NOTHING but it's more draining being lazy for me.
It makes you more prone to doing 'the wrong things', like;
My theory anyway, I'm sure there are more things.
I've decided what I want to write about, It sounds so sad but I want to write about a dream I had. It had a very deep moral which I have never thought about before.
But being alone all your life and up until you die must be such a horrible feeling, and someone taking the time just to talk to you or give you a smile might make your day and make that horrible loneliness disappear...and might even stop you from giving up on yourself and the world.
I wrote this the other day when I thought humanity might have had hope...
Some still do, but others don't. So much hatred in this world for no reason at all, why? what's calling people names and accusing them of things going to achieve but hurt and embarrassment on both ends.
If you know me personally you will know what I'm talking about, and I am sick to death of the situation. I don't live in my home town any more but that's where the problems seem to lie.
And lets face it, I am so glad I'm out of there and with the person I want to be with. Let them live there small town lives and let there only joy come from insulting other people....
Rant over- for now
Stay tuned for some extracts from the story I'm going to write...eventually!
and however cheesy this sounds-
I will probably regret this knowing me.
Having a slow life, not doing anything everyday, I don't know how people cope with it. I know I don't do NOTHING but it's more draining being lazy for me.
It makes you more prone to doing 'the wrong things', like;
- Eat because your just bored...It's something to do.
- Over think your life's direction and where you think you're going.
- Get down over these two things.
- Get fatter
- Worry about money
My theory anyway, I'm sure there are more things.
I've decided what I want to write about, It sounds so sad but I want to write about a dream I had. It had a very deep moral which I have never thought about before.
But being alone all your life and up until you die must be such a horrible feeling, and someone taking the time just to talk to you or give you a smile might make your day and make that horrible loneliness disappear...and might even stop you from giving up on yourself and the world.
I wrote this the other day when I thought humanity might have had hope...
Some still do, but others don't. So much hatred in this world for no reason at all, why? what's calling people names and accusing them of things going to achieve but hurt and embarrassment on both ends.
If you know me personally you will know what I'm talking about, and I am sick to death of the situation. I don't live in my home town any more but that's where the problems seem to lie.
And lets face it, I am so glad I'm out of there and with the person I want to be with. Let them live there small town lives and let there only joy come from insulting other people....
Rant over- for now
Stay tuned for some extracts from the story I'm going to write...eventually!
and however cheesy this sounds-
Do not dwell in the past.
 |
| lol |
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